Ending months of speculation, Apple today officially launched its newest must-have gadget, the MaxiPad. At a glitzy US press event, Apple CEO Steve Jobs told the assembled mass of compliant, unquestioning journalists “The MaxiPad is designed to fill a huge gap in the market for posing smugtards who need a wildly overpriced device that... »
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Working class people to be fitted with volume control chips
The Conservative Party today announced a key election campaign pledge to have all of Britain’s working class people fitted with special volume control micro-chips, to prevent them from talking too loudly. Tory leader, David Cameron, made the announcement during an interview on the BBC’s Andrew... »
Santa Claus arrested, Christmas in crisis
The future of Christmas is in doubt today as the world reacts to the news that Santa Claus has been arrested on child porn charges. Last night an Interpol spokesman informed the media that a man described as a “200 year old fictional characterisation... »
Government bans more fun things
The government today announced that some things which used to be perfectly legal have now been banned in order to prevent people from having fun with them. Anybody found... »
Britain marginally less fucked than expected
Business leaders today welcomed figures from the Bank of England which show that the UK economy has got less worse by such an imperceptibly small measure that it means... »
Fucking hell, it’s snowing!
A parliamentary debate on whether to increase funding for military equipment in Afghanistan was interrupted today when MPs noticed that it had begun to snow. The shadow home secretary,... »