Protective masks will prove ineffective against Cornish Hog Plague, as it is believed the disease is transmitted by tiny spider-like creatures which lay their eggs in human eyeballs
Officials from the World Health Organisation today announced that the winning bid for the 2011 global health scare is Cornish Hog Plague. A handover ceremony will be held in Newquay later this year, once Mexican Swine Flu has successfully completed scaring the shit out of the entire population of earth.
A spokesman for the WHO said “While we are happy with the performance of health scares over recent years, we feel that not enough people appreciate just how absolutely shitting terrifying the prospect of a global pandemic really is. SARS and Bird Flu didn’t really cut it, so these days the judging panel looks for health scares that really have the potential to make everybody think the human race is completely and utterly fucked for real this time.”
The bidding process for 2013 has already begun, with strong entries from around the world including South-African Screaming Shark-Fever, Indian Snake-Pox, and Mongolian Exploding Wolf-Herpes.