Singing grimster, Susan Boyle
Scientists admit that they are struggling to explain the mysterious discovery of an unattractive woman who has somehow developed the ability to sing in tune. Until recently it was widely believed that only young, good looking people were able to sing but the discovery of Susan Boyle, an unattractive middle aged person, has now cast doubt on this long-standing theory.
Professor David Legobrick, a leading authority on the ugly, said “This really is a remarkable discovery! Up until now we all believed it was impossible for somebody to display any sort of musical talent if they had a face like a dropped pie, so obviously we’ll be studying Susan very closely to see if this ability is unique to her or is something that could be found in other ropey old birds.”
The discovery was hailed by international experts as a huge leap forward for science, opening up a wide range of new avenues for research. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one government scientist told us that he now believed that it might even be possible for fat people to dance.
Professor Legobrick says he will now begin work on designing a special bag for Susan Boyle’s head, which will completely obscure her features without muffling her angelic voice.