Prince Charles, photographed leaving the royal toilet at Balmoral Castle earlier in the year
According to sources within Buckingham Palace, Prince Charles this week claimed to have done a “really massive shit“. The Prince is said to have excused himself following the main course of a state banquet for visiting foreign dignitaries, saying to the Prime Minister of Botswana “One’s just off to make some room for pudding, tell them I want extra custard if they serve it up before I get back.”
After a twenty minute absence the Prince then returned to his seat, saying “Jesus Christ! You wouldn’t believe that, it was fucking huge, it felt like One was laying an ostrich egg. Honestly, it looked just like a puppy Rottweiler, it was massive. Bit of an epic struggle to get the bugger out, I can tell you, but One triumphed in the end!”
Palace insiders say that His Highness had the presence of mind to take a photograph of the monster turd with his camera phone, sending the image to Princes William and Harry with the message “Look what daddy made!” The Princes, both currently on active duty with the armed forces, sent a congratulatory telegram to their father.
In 1536, King Henry VIII commissioned a tapestry to commemorate what is described in contemporary records as “a royal log of majestic proportions” following a wedding feast at Hampton Court Palace.
No smell, says loyal wife Camilla.