Britain's Jade Ewen: "I can't believe I got beaten by the violin-gimp! That's well fucked up."
The British government today announce that it will mount a legal bid to have the result of this weekend’s Eurovision Song Contest overturned. A spokesman for the Attorney General’s Office said that there appears to be a strong case for taking the appeal to the European courts “Norway? Cocking NORWAY for fuck’s sake? Did you actually see that grinning little tosser with the violin? I mean, Jesus Christ, how the shitting hell did all of Europe decide to vote for that hairy pile of pig-wank when we sent along Andrew Lloyd-Cunting-Weber? The man’s got three Grammy awards and an Oscar, what the fuck is wrong with these spacktards?”
Sources within Downing Street report that the Prime Minister was especially disappointed by the result, since he had hoped that a victory for the UK would be enough to deflect the public’s goldfish-like attention span away from the fact the entire government is made up of slippery, money-grubbing weasels. Brown was said to have spent the rest of Saturday evening staring out of his window muttering “Shit shit shit shit shiiiiit!” and was too upset to spend any time playing with his model railway.
Commenting on the contest, Conservative Party leader, David Cameron, told the BBC “This disastrous result for Britain is yet another consequence of Gordon Brown’s failed policies. My god, the stupid flabby turd can’t do anything right, can he?”