Tube Strike Causes Hilarity for Millions

Tube Strikes: "Oh for fucks sake"

The inability of stupid Londoners to find their way to work without the help of their fancy Tube network was greeted with amusement and smug satisfaction by millions of people outside of the capital today.

“I don’t understand what their problem is” said Bill Loughton, a mill worker from Derby “can’t they just ride to work on a donkey like the rest of us? We manage just fine without any satanic underground trains, so why can’t Londoners get to their factories in the morning without witchcraft?”

Commuters across London struggled to reach their destinations as the city’s famous subway system was brought to a halt by three days of industrial action.  Bob Crow, leader of the National Union of Workshy Slackers, told reporters “To be absolutely honest, none of us really know why we’re striking. It’s traditional; the people of London expect a Tube strike every year as part of their cultural heritage.”

Celebrity oaf and part-time London Mayor, Boris Johnson, praised the strikers and said that he welcomed the opportunity to get some media coverage of himself arsing around on a bicycle and spouting nonsensical horse-shit about the city’s ‘Blitz Spirit’.

“The important thing to remember” said Johnson “is that I have ultimate political responsibility for ensuring the city’s transportation network runs properly, so when you think about it, this is all really my fault. Oh cripes, that’s not what I meant at all!” before walking into a lamp-post and capering like a lovable buffoon in the street outside City Hall.

Commuter, Mark Watson, echoed the sentiments of the dozens of others waiting to board an already crowded bus at a stop in Tufnell Park “For fucking fucks sake. I’m fucking sick of this fucking shit. Fuckers.”