DVD Pirate Ring Jailed for Selling Bride Wars

Legal experts have called for new laws to allow anybody found guilty of promoting this shit to be given a right good slapping

A judge today sentenced the members of a DVD pirating ring to seven years in prison for distributing copies of the romantic comedy, Bride Wars. Delivering his verdict, Justice Malcolm Pendergrass said “This is not a clear cut case, copyright law is struggling to keep up with fast developing media technologies. However, the one aspect of this case that is completely clear is that Bride Wars was the gayest shit I’ve ever seen and for that reason I have no hesitation in handing down the maximum sentence available under the law.”

Justice Pendergrass added that he hoped the accused would spend their time in prison contemplating the consequences of their actions, whilst being violently sodomised by a seemingly endless procession of hardened criminals.

Piracy is a growing problem for the global film industry, with literally tens of dollars being lost every week and some Hollywood movie producers struggling to survive on a minimum wage of just thirty or forty million dollars a year.