Government bans more fun things

These fun things are now banned, and you definitely won't be able to buy them from some bloke down the pub anymore

The government today announced that some things which used to be perfectly legal have now been banned in order to prevent people from having fun with them. Anybody found guilty of having fun with the banned things will now face up to two years in prison.

The Home Secretary told reporters: “Although these things may seem largely harmless, there is a huge amount of evidence showing that people are using these things for the purposes of personal enjoyment, which is why it was important for us to ban them immediately.”

Experts say that over the past decade at least one person is suspected to have died from complications which might possibly have something to do with the fun things, which makes them almost as dangerous as eating a cucumber sandwich.

The move was welcomed by the pressure group Uptight Middle-Englanders Against Everything You Enjoy. Spokesperson, Barbara Millington said “This is a great victory for British justice. Now that these things are banned it will be impossible for anybody to buy them, just like cannabis, cocaine and all the other banned fun things. Perhaps now people will learn that they don’t need mind bending drugs to have a good time, what’s wrong with the Daily Mail crossword, or enjoying a nice cup of tea and a Vicar of Dibley DVD?”

Downing Street insiders claim that in the coming months the government plans to ban other fun things, including Yorkie bars, Facebook and giggly blonde women with big tits.