Modern Warfare 2 leaves middle aged gamer confused and afraid

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - guaranteed humiliation for the over-thirties

35 year old Richard Walker, an advertising account manager from London, is today being treated for severe shock after attempting to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 online for the first time.

“I don’t understand what the fuck just happened” said Walker as he was led away by paramedics “I thought I knew how to play video games… I got killed twenty-nine times straight in the first ten minutes before I could even get a shot off, and then some American kid called me a n00b-fag.”

Medical experts believe that Walker might be suffering from Early Onset Geriatric Pwnage Syndrome, a condition known to affect men in their mid-thirties who develop a tendency to vastly over-estimate their own video-gaming abilities.

Professor Imogen Harris, Head of the Bullshit Neurological Diseases Department at St Bartholomew’s Hospital, said “It’s a devastating condition for sufferers like Richard. These men grew up with multi-player video games and they’re fairly confident of their abilities, but as they get older their jobs and families place more demands on their time, so they play games much less often. When they find the time to try playing something like MW2, they inevitably get butt-raped by an obese, socially maladjusted twelve year old who spends his entire life sniper-whoring.”

Harris added “In some of the worst cases of Geriatric Pwnage, we have to deal with some really nasty third degree teabagging.”

Walker’s best friend told us “None of us are really surprised by this - we used to play Doom deathmatch games at college with Richard, and that n00b-fag always sucked donkey balls.”