Massive Twitter phishing attack confuses millions

Seriously, what the hell is this thing?

As leading news sources reported a widespread Twitter phishing attack today, millions of people were left wondering what the hell a Twitter phishing attack is. While the small handful of self-important media-twats who actually use Twitter spent the day shrieking as though the world itself was coming to an end, everybody else was forced to come to terms with the fact that they don’t have a fucking clue what any of this stuff means.

Dan Weaver, a driving instructor from Somerset, said “Twitter? Is that something to do with Facebook? To be honest I don’t really understand any of this stuff. Come to think of it, what’s a ‘pishing attack’?”

Computer security experts have warned that the increasing number of online attacks like this will lead to more people than ever wondering what the hell everybody’s talking about and developing a strange nagging feeling that they’re missing out on something really important, even though they’re not quite sure what.

Talking to reporters this afternoon, Chief Constable Derek Carter of the Metropolitan Police promised to launch an investigation into the Twitter attacks “just as soon as somebody can tell me why I should give a flying fuck about this pointless horseshit.”