Business leaders today welcomed figures from the Bank of England which show that the UK economy has got less worse by such an imperceptibly small measure that it means absolutely nothing to pretty much everybody. Bob Simpson, head of the Confederation of British Industry said: “This is very encouraging news. The economy is still collapsing... »
A parliamentary debate on whether to increase funding for military equipment in Afghanistan was interrupted today when MPs noticed that it had begun to snow. The shadow home secretary, Chris Grayling, first noticed the snow whilst he was returning to his seat in the chamber “I’d just popped out for a quick shit, and... »
The pop world was in mourning today, following the shock news that chart topping pop act, Girls Aloud, has been entirely wiped out by a pack of rabid chimpanzees. The attack took place last night during a live performance at the Milton Keynes Bowl, in front of a crowd of nearly 65,000 horrified fans. Approximately... »
35 year old Richard Walker, an advertising account manager from London, is today being treated for severe shock after attempting to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 online for the first time. “I don’t understand what the fuck just happened” said Walker as he was led away by paramedics “I thought I knew how... »
Secretary of State, Peter Mandelson, will today begin a tour of major towns and cities in the UK, during which he intends to stamp on the heads of over seven hundred helpless kittens. It is reported that Lord Mandelson hopes to horribly traumatise the hundreds of thousands of young children who will be forced... »
