The government today announced plans for a high tech in-home surveillance system to keep tabs on actress Kiera Knightley 24 hours a day. “This might seem like an Orwellian nightmare and an obscene waste of tax payers’ money,” said Jack Straw, Secretary of State for Justice “But what you’ve got to understand is that...
Conservative Party leader, David Cameron, was today forced to issue a public apology after he used a string of expletives during a live interview on Absolute Radio’s breakfast show. After describing users of the popular website, Twitter, as “twats” Mr Cameron went on to refer to former Prime Minister Gordon Brown as “a total...
A judge today sentenced the members of a DVD pirating ring to seven years in prison for distributing copies of the romantic comedy, Bride Wars. Delivering his verdict, Justice Malcolm Pendergrass said “This is not a clear cut case, copyright law is struggling to keep up with fast developing media technologies. However, the one...
Friends and neighbours of Trevor Pendleton, a graphic designer from Stoke Newington, today urged the tedious cunt to stop going on about eighties popular culture as though it’s the single funniest fucking thing in the world ever. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one of Pendleton’s colleagues said “I swear to god, if Trevor makes...
Downing Street today confirmed that actor and TV presenter, Ross Kemp, will be appointed as a special advisor to the government on the war in Afghanistan. Facing accusations that troops are poorly equipped and trapped in an unwinnable quagmire, the Prime Minister announced that Kemp was the obvious choice to advise the government on...
I’m off on my jollies until July 6th. In the meantime, why not entertain yourself by visiting some of the inferior, but vaguely amusing, made-up-news websites down there in the links. Just, you know, remember to come back in a few weeks, won’t you?